For decades:

I hid in shame,
            cowered in the shadows, 
                         and suffered in silence.

I protected the secrets of those
             who raped me,
                   tortured me,
                       and used me.

I am Speaking Out...

My name is Rick, and I have created this site to declare my innocence, honor the heroic struggle of my childhood, and continue my healing journey. 

Others seeking to further their own healing by declaring their innocence are welcome to submit their stories. Every survivor deserved to be heard, and to experience the hope of healing.

I was sexually abused by an older cousin and others on repeated occasions from the time I was 11 until I was 19. The pain began then, but continued expand and reveal itself in many different ways:

• Low Self-Esteem
• Rage
• Self Hatred
• Self-Injury
• Loneliness
• Alcoholism
• Shattering of my faith in God
• Sexual Addiction
• Gambling Addiction
• Constant fear of people, places and things.
• Loss of Sexual Identity
• Pain of possibly never having my own family

Healing these effects in my life today are why I made this page. While I do not believe that the sexual abuse caused every single pain in my life- I do believe it affected every part of my life, and did influence many of my decisions. Understanding the role the abuse played in my life allows my to continue healing these effects.

A Little Bit About My Present Life:

I have already made some progress:

• I have been sober since March 13th, 2004.
• I have learned to love the child I was, and am starting like the person I am.
• I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman, and am engaged to be married.
• I have reduced the frequency and intensity of self-injury.
• I am more angry at him, and less angry at the world.
• I am beginning to define a relationship with a God of my understanding.

My hopes for the future:

I am determined to keep moving forward- owning my own mistakes, truly seeing the innocent child I was.

I do not know where my healing will take me. But I am committed to the journey. I will move forward, one step at a time.